


it's easier to let you go

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Not Beta Read, POV Alternating, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 04:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19310833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Maybe it was always destined to happen like that, me loving you, and you... you were always unreachable for me.The only star I couldn't reach. The only dream I couldn't have. And I think I finally came to terms with it.





	it's easier to let you go

**Author's Note:**

> I blame a lot of people for this huh also it's almost 2am so I'm sorry for any typos.  
> Title from 'Do you remember' by Jarryd James.  
> Hope you enjoy?

I never wanted it to happen this way.

I was supposed to wait a little bit longer. Let you grow up. Let you burn out all that determination that was blinding you, always, not allowing you to see that I'm here, I was always here.

Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should have been stronger. Wait longer, I should have done that, I know, but it was so much, so suddenly, and I couldn't help myself, and I'm sorry.

It's only my fault. Because I thought that you could love me back.

So stupid of me, isn't it? To think that I could win.

I can win over you, sometimes, in another battle for gold, but I can't really win _you_ , not when the ice is my competitor.

And it's okay. You don't have to worry about me, or feel sorry about hurting me. It's okay. If there is one thing I'm sure about, is that I will be fine. That's my thing, to be okay.

And you? I just want you to be happy. I want you to find someone who would wait longer, who would let you grow up, and who would hold you when you burn out one day, bright and quick, like the greatest of stars.

Maybe it was always destined to happen like that, me loving you and you... you were always unreachable for me. The only star I couldn't reach. The only dream I couldn't have. And I think I finally came to terms with it.

There is so many maybes in this letter. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I will never stop loving you. But maybe I know, finally, how to live without you. Maybe I know how to breathe, now.

So this is is. I'm letting you go, and I'm letting go of that dream I had, about you and me.

 

Take care of yourself.

And I need you to know that I love you, still. I love you, but I don't think I need you to survive, anymore. I used to think that life without you wouldn't be possible, but here I am. There is life after you, in the end, and I'm relieved. You used to be my whole world, the only thing I could think about, and now... now I feel like I'm a whole person without you too.

Goodbye. I just hope you're happy. You deserve it.

So be happy. Because I am.

 

 

 

 

It's so easy, to lie.

I'm good at it, at pretending to be someone who's not exactly me.

But breaking your heart... it was the hardest choice I ever made. A choice, because I knew what I was doing. And I hate myself for that.

You were always too good. Too good to compete, to good for me. I wish I could turn back time and tell you the truth, tell you that I'm sorry, tell you that I love you too.

I know that I'm too late.

I hope you're happy. You deserve it, to be happy, you deserve to be the happiest person in the entire world.

I wish it was me, who could make you happy, but I missed that chance, I know, and I will always regret it, I can feel it burning in the back of my head, in my chest, in my bones.

 

I miss you.

I will miss you forever.

 

Goodbye.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Throw your thoughts at me, and thank you for reading!


End file.
